Dealing with Porn Pt. 2: 4 Steps to Overcoming Pornography Addiction

Dealing with Porn Pt. 2: 4 Steps to Overcoming Pornography Addiction

 

In part 1, of my “Dealing with Porn” series,” I wrote about my previous addiction to pornography and how my wife found out.  Like many of you, pornography was my little secret that I wouldn’t tell anyone about.  It was my way of releasing stress and tension and in my mind, it wasn’t hurting anyone.

How was it a sin, if no one got hurt?  That faulty thinking was exposed once my secret was revealed.

How did I beat my addiction though?  In this blog, part 2, I’d like to share with you 4 simple steps that I went thru to fight and ultimately overcome my addiction to pornography.

1. I began my fight against porn by Getting Serious

The first thing I needed to do was admit what I was doing was wrong.  In my heart, I knew I was in sin. But I always found a way to rationalize why I didn’t need to stop looking at porn on the internet.  I wish I could tell you that because I feared the Lord, I was able to arrive at this conclusion.  While I do fear the Lord, my driving force for repentance was fueled by the amount of pain I was causing my wife.  I knew I couldn’t continue to lead our family and do ministry with this still hanging over me.

I then repented to God and to my wife.  I asked the Lord to forgive me and then I went to Belinda and told her I was going to seek help.  I asked her to also forgive me and to pray for me as I entered this journey.  It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was a great first step in repairing the trust that I had broken in our marriage.  It also helped that I told her I was now committed to cutting off any access to pornography (more on this later).

2. I strengthened my fight against porn by Getting Educated

After I became serious about overcoming my addiction to pornography, the next thing I did was educate myself about what was really causing this.  Even though I was serious about beating porn, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone outside of my wife.

I knew I needed help though.  I began searching online for resources to help me.  The first thing I read was an eBook by Mark Driscoll called “Porn Again-Christian.”  It helped me learn some of the things that caused my pornography addiction as well as re-enforce the need for me to become accountable to someone.  And while his resource isn’t big on accountability software, I knew after reading his eBook, that I needed some or else I’d just fall into Satan’s trap over and over again.

3. I intensified my fight against porn by Getting Accountable

I then spoke to my good friend an ordained minister, as well as another brother I hang out with from time to time. I shared my struggle with both of them.  I asked them to pray for me as well as to be my accountability partners via covenant eyes (Affiliate Link).

Each week, Covenant Eyes would send them a report of all my internet activities across my computer, iPhone and iPad.  I told them to ask me the tough questions and hold me accountable if anything showed on those reports that I had no business looking at.  Both agreed and have done a wonderful job of grilling, encouraging and even counseling me based on what I needed.  I’m very grateful to these brothers.

One of them even gave me some bible study resources that have helped me tremendously.  These were resources crafted by the Navigators Discipleship ministry that focused on extracting the things in your heart that were causing me to sin in this way.  I learned what days of the week I was tempted most.  What social situations caused me to retreat to porn, the impact porn was sub-consciencely having on my marriage and much, much more.  The studies re-enforced in my heart just how displeased God was with what I was doing.

4. I engaged in my fight against porn by Getting Protected

The fourth step for me, and probably the most difficult was to actually get protected. I physically needed to install software on my computer to ensure that one I couldn’t access certain things.  Even though I had SAID I was serious and had commitments from strong brothers to hold me accountable, it was a whole other thing to follow thru and install the software and make sure they would get the reports.

Let me say this again. This was the toughest step for me by far.  This was evidence, however, that I really was serious and aiming to please the Lord in this area.

After researching several different options, I decided to go with Covenant Eyes.  I liked the fact that I could install their browser on my iPhone and iPad.  As such, I no longer use the default safari browser on those devices as covenant eyes monitors my internet activity thru their web browser, the only one I have on those devices.  My wife has a code that only she knows that prevents me from installing apps on my phone or viewing YouTube videos.

My computer is set up such that I’m unable to browse the internet without being monitored.   I physically can’t get on the net without logging into covenant eyes and regardless of what browser I use, Covenant Eyes is on the job.

I love it.  These restrictions have actually helped free me.

Bonus

Many of you are wondering what has made me discuss this in such a public way.  We all deal with sin and even though I have been delivered, seemingly, there was no need for me to come forward with this.

A large part of being bound by sin is constantly thinking or even talking about NOT sinning.  The devil plays terrible tricks on us by making us feel so guilty about the sin that God has forgiven us for that we disregard that forgiveness, by  dwelling on the possibility that we will back slide and sin again.  I did not want Satan to have that power over my life any more.

To truly be delivered, the final step in the healing process for me was to discuss this publicly on my blog.  Regardless of the consequences, I wanted to share my struggles with you, not only to help free me mentally, but also in hopes that my testimony could also help free you or someone you know.

Conclusion

If I’m honest, I won’t tell you that I am totally perfect in this area of my life, yet.  I’m still tempted from time to time to lust and I have had times during the past few months where I have slipped.  My mind is renewed though. My heart is repentant as The Lord has been gracious enough to place me around people who are helping me conquer this demon thru counsel, accountability and prayer.

I am happy to say though, I no longer look at pornography on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis.  I’m continuously educating myself on what scenarios and situations tempt me the most and placing boundaries in my life to keep my eyes and heart safe. I’m committed to ensuring that God is pleased with this area of my life.  This process has made my marriage a lot better.

Ed. Note: We strongly recommend that anyone who struggles with sexual sin, particularly on the internet, should use a service like Covenant Eyes (Affiliate link) for accountability. I use them on every device that I own and it helps keep me honest even when I don’t want to be honest. Our affiliate code, WadeORadio, allows you to try the first month free of charge. You can find out more about covenant eyes here. – Wade

Questions:

  • Have you ever struggled with an addiction?  If so, how did you overcome it?
  • Did you use some of the steps that I did above?  Do you wish you had?

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Dealing with Porn Pt. 1: A Christian Man’s Struggle With Porn.

Dealing with Porn Pt. 1: A Christian Man's Struggle w/ Porn

 

According to recent statistics, 70% of men have viewed pornography sometime during the past 30 days.  This includes Christians and Non-Christians.  This includes, young men and older men.  This includes married men as well as single men.  For each of those demographics, the stats don’t move much.  60-70% of men are addicted to pornography.  So to say that there is a huge issue with Men and pornography addiction within our society, is an understatement.

I use to be one of these men.  I looked at my first pornographic magazine sometime in middle school and this started a downward spiral that impacted my life for over a decade.  The lies, the hiding, the shame, the struggle.  It all ate me up inside.  I’d say I was going to stop, only to give in several days and sometimes even hours later.  I believed that I couldn’t tell anyone for fear of being viewed as a weirdo or ostracized by people.

This continued on even after I gave my life to the Lord.  It even continued into the first couple of years of my marriage.  Obviously this had a negative impact on both my walk with the Lord, as well as my Union to my wife.  The thing is, I didn’t realize it.  I thought no one knew and that my little secret wasn’t harming anyone, including myself.

One day, my wife, Belinda, pulled me aside and said she wanted to talk to me.  She explained that she had seen the Internet History on my computer.  She was exposed to all the sites I had looked at and wanted to know why I was looking at these sites.  I had no choice but to admit my struggle to her and how long it had been a struggle.

She was crushed and simultaneously furious.

Belinda had every right to experience both of these emotions as I had broken our marriage vows via my pornography addiction and dishonesty.  She then asked me what I planned to do about it.  I had no answer, which only added to her pain.  She then went for the jugular.  She looked me square in my eyes and asked me what kind of example I was going to be to my sons.   What was I going to say to them when its time to talk sex, lust and dating?

I was beyond embarrassed.  I felt worthless.  I thought I was a loser.  I knew I was a liar.  In my heart, I wasn’t ready to give up my addiction.  Pornography was my way of escape.  It represented how I dealt with stressful situations.  The detachment, the impersonal nature of it all, the lust: it was all a crutch for me.  In my mind, I could look at the porn in my secrecy and while I knew it was sin, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t hurting anyone, including me.

Satan had done a great job of deceiving me.  That faulty thought process could not have been further from the truth.

The Lord began to show me that my lack of Spiritual intimacy with Him was a direct result of my sexual sin.  My lack of trust for people, stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t trustworthy and was living with a huge lie in my closet that I was fearful of anyone finding out.  The impersonal nature that accompanied my interactions with others also developed from this struggle.  The fact that I couldn’t even admit to anyone in authority that I was struggling with an addiction to pornography even spoke to my integrity.  I had none.  I was living a lie and I needed to do something about it.

Thankfully, I did decided to do something about it.  To learn what I did to overcome my addiction, check out Part 2 in our Dealing with Porn Series entitled: Dealing with Porn Pt. 2: 4 Steps to Overcoming a Pornography Addiction.

Ed. Note: We strongly recommend that anyone who struggles with sexual sin, particularly on the internet, should use a service like Covenant Eyes (Affiliate link) for accountability. I use them on every device that I own and it helps keep me honest even when I don’t want to be honest. Our affiliate code, WadeORadio, allows you to try the first month free of charge. You can find out more about covenant eyes here. – Wade

Question

  • Have you ever dealt with an addiction?
  • What steps have you taken to overcome that addiction?

SOURCE

How Fro Changed From Hustler and Porn Addict to Christian Rapper

How Fro Changed From Hustler and Porn Addict to Christian Rapper

 

Only God can break another god, and that’s where “Fro” Johnson believed his power came from—himself.

And what would lead him to believe otherwise? 21-year-old Fro lived in a middle-class Memphis, Tenn. neighborhood married with his own house, three cars and closet full of designer clothes. That, after his single, army-enlisted mother and grandmother—who lived in the projects—rotated raising him.

“I just loved to look like I was better than everybody,” he told Wade-O Radio.

Fro had made it. And he made it happen by hustling. He used selling marijuana, credit card fraud and any opportunity that presented itself to make money.

Thieves shook up the world that the 23-year-old Fro ruled one day when they ransacked his house, overturning beds and ripping apart closets—digging for Fro’s marijuana, he suspected. This victimization marked the first occasion that challenged his authority, but it failed to break him.

It almost broke his marriage, though. His high school sweetheart had endured enough. Fro abused his wife—a Christian, the “school Jesus freak” growing up—and her attempt to convert him only intensified his abuse.

“Even when she would try to give me the gospel and tell me how I was living was wrong, I would break her down in a way that was very dominant to show her that I was God,” said Fro. “I run the show. Where is God at right now because I’m paying the bills? I’m taking care of you.”

Fro imposed his will to find pleasure wherever his heart desired. His lust for material possession ultimately found itself paired with the frequent watching of pornography. Doing just that one evening, two years after robbers shook up his world, God turned it upside down.

“As I was [watching pornography], I felt a presence that I really can’t explain, but I knew it was the Lord,” said Fro. “I just felt him telling me that, ‘I’m not pleased with you. The way you are living, I didn’t make you for that.’”

Ed. Note: We strongly recommend that anyone who struggles with sexual sin, particularly on the internet, should use a service like Covenant Eyes (Affiliate link) for accountability. I use them on every device that I own and it helps keep me honest even when I don’t want to be honest. Our affiliate code, WadeORadio, allows you to try the first month free of charge. You can find out more about covenant eyes here. – Wade

Fro fell from his seat to his knees. Cries for forgiveness produced tears of guilt and shame that rolled down his face. Fro surrendered his life to Jesus Christ on the floor of his living room, and God answered his cries by giving him a passion to share the gospel.

However, as Fro attests to, just because one’s life is headed in the right direction doesn’t mean that he or she is immune to destructive tendencies.

Fro had attended church growing up on the Sunday mornings that he awoke at his grandmother’s. The Bible had been repeatedly preached to Fro, but never impacted him. He buried his nose in the book after becoming a Christian, but a lack of wisdom and accountability coupled with over-zealousness destroyed his marriage.

Before he became a Christian, Fro would spend spare time of his promoting his friends’ hip-hop albums. He did so by popping the trunk of his car at gas stations and trying to persuade customers to buy them. Fro excelled, so he spread his Christian rap albums the same way.

After his ministry—sharing the gospel while selling CDs out of his car—blossomed in Memphis, he took it to other cities in Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi and Georgia. Fro put all his energy into this effort, even sleeping in his car on road trips to save money. He dedicated so much time to his newfound mission over the next two years that he neglected his wife.

“My whole world fell apart,” said Fro. “My wife didn’t want to have anything to do with me. She didn’t believe anymore what I was doing because of how I was doing it.”

They divorced, which led to a one-year hiatus of Fro’s ministry.

“My wife should’ve been my first ministry,” he said, “but instead, I was just doing my own thing thinking this is what I’m supposed to do.”

Fro, a newborn Christian, had no one to hold him accountable until it was too late. He eventually found discipleship under his pastor, and Fro used his year off to grow in his relationship with God. Through breaking down scripture in his apartment, he not only learned what he did wrong, but about God’s grace.

His ministry rebounded, and Fro married again at the age of 30.

“I don’t deserve a second chance,” he said. “I don’t deserve a second wife. God could’ve kept me single my whole life and dealt with the things I was dealing with as far as being a man. He chose to bless me, and so I learned not to take her for granted.”

Fro ministers today through his music and after-school tutoring program in Memphis. He released the sequel to his album Careless Muzic Vol. 1 on Tuesday, Nov. 19.

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R-Swift Needs Our Support, His Wife has Cancer

R-Swift Needs Our Support, His Wife has Cancer

                                              Image courtesy of Arnold Soshkin

This afternoon, our friend and partner R-Swift sent us the following letter via email and asked us to post it on our website.

Dear Family,

I was debating whether or not I should send out an official press release, but that’s just not my style. I’ve always been honest and transparent with you, so why stop now?  I’m writing this letter to ask everyone for prayers as my family and I are facing a tough season.

Last month, my wife Stacey had to go to the ER after experiencing discomfort and fevers.  We were thinking maybe it was a stomach virus or something; well, after a few hours and some tests, the doctor came back and informed us that it was cancer.  This news shook us to the core; the first few days were filled with frustration, fear, questions etc.  It was also filled with prayer, comfort and overwhelming support from our family, friends and local body.

For the past month, we’ve spent so much time in the hospital with tests, surgeries, etc. Though this experience is very frustrating and has taken a toll on us mentally, physically, financially and emotionally, we find our sanity and peace in the fact that we serve a sovereign God who is greater than cancer or any affliction that we may face.

We are optimistic and believe that God will bring us out of this on top.  Today was the first chemotherapy treatment; she will do chemotherapy for 6-8 months.  I ask you for your prayers as we continue to walk this thing out.  I thank you all so much for the continued prayer and support throughout the years.

The Graham’s

We’d like to encourage everyone who is able to pray and give financially to help support R-Swift and his family during this season.  This situation will likely keep Swift off of the road for much of the next year. In addition, he will have increased responsibility at home while his wife recovers as the Graham’s have 3 daughters, Shayla (8), Jasmine (3) and Summer (1).

As many of you will recall, 4 years ago, R-Swift lost his son Rodnie Jr..  While this is yet another challenge for him and his family, we believe that R-Swift and his family will come out of this situation stronger than when they entered it.

If you wish to contribute monetarily, contributions can be made via Paypal to rhymecouncil@gmail.com.

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Frank Edwards – “Papa Nara Ekele” (Thank You)

It’s rare to see an artist that releases a new single as frequent  as Frank Edwards does and yet each one of them can be classified as a hit. Here is this wonderful, powerful worship piece from Rocktown number 1 Frank Edwards. He calls this one “Papa Nara Ekele” meaning “Thank You”. Enjoy.

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